The time now is 04/17/14 - 12:46
Log in: Username: Password:
Search forums for:
  
JOIN RunningForums NOW!
FAQ Search    Articles Register Log in

The Complete Military History of France


www.runningforums.com Forum Index -> Riff-Raff Hang Out

Post new topic   Reply to topic
Floridaboiler
POTFH
Reply with quote
Joined: 18 May 2002
Posts: 11321
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
| Back to top
PostPosted: 02/24/03 - 21:54    Post subject: The Complete Military History of France
> - Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000
> years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an
> Italian.
>
> - Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female
> schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French
> Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a
> Frenchman."
>
> - Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to
> ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
>
> - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
>
> - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but
> manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that
> eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
>
> - War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as
> chapeaux.
>
> - The Dutch War - Tied
>
> - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
> Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded
> Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of
> French military power.
>
> - War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French
> their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.
>
> - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to
> future Americans, France claims a win even though the English
> colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle
> Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France
> only wins when America does most of the fighting."
>
> - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was
> also French.
>
> - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First
> Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match
> For a British footwear designer.
>
> - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk
> Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
>
> - World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the
> United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to
> Not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her
> "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces
> forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
>
>
> - World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States
> and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
>
> - War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed
> with the Dien Bien Flu
>
> - Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western
> army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces
> the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French."
> This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians,
> Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
>
> - War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history,
> surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to
> surrender to North Korean ambassador fail after he takes refuge
> in a McDonald's.
>
> The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should
> not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France
> collapses?"
>
> On France
>
> France: Continuing to lead the world in pastries, dead Impressionists,
> And people who really do think they matter.
>
> Question: "Why are there trees planted along the Champs Elysees?"
>
> Answer: "So the Germans can march in the shade."
>
> Do not worry, France will always be with the U.S. when they need the
> U.S.
>
> Going to war with France as an ally is like going hunting with an
> accordion.
copteacher
Adjunct
Reply with quote
Joined: 08 Jun 2002
Posts: 20588
Location: Teaching in the Halls of Justice
| Back to top
PostPosted: 02/24/03 - 21:57    Post subject:
I will save this one Eric. I love this one.
Floridaboiler
POTFH
Reply with quote
Joined: 18 May 2002
Posts: 11321
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
| Back to top
PostPosted: 02/24/03 - 22:04    Post subject:
Glad you liked it! I will probably it add it under the comic picture about the French Army on my alternate web site.
AlaninTX
Member
Reply with quote
Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 6582
Location: Austin, Texas
| Back to top
PostPosted: 02/24/03 - 22:38    Post subject:
This one is funny as all get out! I like the WWII, just as they were learning the Horst Wesel song.
Mr. Airehead
Advocatus Diaboli
Reply with quote
Joined: 10 Feb 2003
Posts: 32
| Back to top
PostPosted: 02/25/03 - 03:31    Post subject:
This is great. I passed it around to all of the military guys over here where I am. The French aren't too popular over here for some reason...
Cappy
Excelent
Reply with quote
Joined: 16 May 2002
Posts: 27367
Location: Spreadsheetylvania
| Back to top
PostPosted: 02/25/03 - 06:42    Post subject:
Great one Eric. So much truth in it.
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic All times are GMT - 4 Hours

www.runningforums.com Forum Index -> Riff-Raff Hang Out

Page 1 of 1

Related topics:
2002 is complete
Thousand Mile Challenge *COMPLETED*
Anyone use Peachtree Complete accounting?
So I'm completely nekkid for like 30 seconds
Cornbelt 24hr Race - Complete Recap
I'm doing a complete 180!
Find me a job. Please. Before I go completely insane.
complete, and in the works:
Conversion to the dark side is complete.
(see) Rolling Rock Run *complete with photo*
My life is now complete
The Top 10 Movies of 2004 (updated, but incomplete)
Complete Time Waster!!
The snow had completely melted
And now for something completely different:
Completely Original Running Accessory for the iPod Shuffle
I completely understand men!
Post in this thread and i will complete you.
Complete this sentence...
Complete the following statement
Completely new to running
Never completely write off...
I got this from a COMPLETE STRANGER this morning.
Athens to Atlanta....now with complete story
Strel completes Amazon swim
Astronaut completes her own Boston Marathon
Completely new
How long do you have to complete ING NYC Half Marathon?
I love being a military wife...
Rewriting of Military Law
French Military Victories
Military Secrets
I"m avoiding the Bush military record thread
Should Bush's military record be an issue
Anyone know how to write a member of our military
Military question
Military Admits Error
Military Movies
The Military Channel
Military Base Closing list
Military Recruiting
Today I saw a military convoy....
What the term "Mission" means to the military
So my wife watched a show on the Military Channel last night
Help me get an 8 minute mile so I can join the military
27 ways to kill a snake using the US Military
Should protesters be permitted to disrupt military funerals?
The military controls the weather
Some important Military rules to follow
Five Military Amputee Teams Will Run 2007 'Army Ten Miler'
Question for military runners?
Military 1.5 mile time
Military obstacle course run - Rebel Race
More on History vs. present
Attn: History Buffs - Axis & Allies
Quotes from History
A brief history of America
Can't recreat history...
the top 10 most idiotic fans in sports history
Book Review: A Short History of Nearly Everything
So, anybody know what happened on this day in history?
Tonight on the History Channel-Texas
Gamers Rewriting History.
the ugliest moments in sports history
Fuzzy Numbers: A History of Cheating in Baseball
History repeats itself, real fast.
history according to progresives
most spoiled adult in history
I guess she's a history buff...
interesting - history of Ironman
History of Valentine's Day
This day in history
i have a date with cinematic history...
The richest winning streak in triathlon history

 




Privacy Policy | Registration terms | Contact us